Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize