dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
