my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
