He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
