i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
