I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We had to coat check the pizza.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
