What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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