Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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