1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
