you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
