hotel room ftw
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
