I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
