Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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