I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
