At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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