youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Randomize
