sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i think im in europe. pls send help
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
