Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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