she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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