Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
