I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
