We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
