toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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