i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
