I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
