I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
