sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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