No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
