I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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