Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize