im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
