remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
