shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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