Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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