You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
