I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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