Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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