Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i will never coherently bang her
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
