Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
