it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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