So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I met the friendliest cop last night
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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