i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
