can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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