My first STD was from a foam party
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
