We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
