Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
third nipple confirmed
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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