At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
