): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
