TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
