I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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