my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I forget how to act sober
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
