im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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