thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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