I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
