I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
