Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
