Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
