Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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