You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
