ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
