Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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