8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
