I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
