Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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