so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
