She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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