imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
