hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
