"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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