She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
