but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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