i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
