the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
