If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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