All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
